Adderall, God & Liberty

I have recently been prescribed Adderall (yes, the study drug that has raised concern among some). I’ve been having a lot of trouble focusing over this past year and it seemed no matter what steps I took to help me focus, nothing was working. Granted, high school was a lot easier but I never experienced this feeling until I hit my nursing classes in college. Not being able to sit down and study was very frustrating for me and it was something I hadn’t experienced before. I have always been a good student and I valued by ability to study, learn, and expand my knowledge. I finally had to take steps to help with this. Over the past month, I’ve been working out the correct therapeutic dose of Adderall. I started off on a very low dose and couldn’t tell a difference at all in my studying. Then I went back to the doctor and got a higher dose. I picked up my prescription this morning and tried it. For the first time in a while, I’ve been able to put everything else aside and really concentrate. This has been such a productive day and I am very grateful for that. I want to talk a little bit about how the drug made me feel and relate that to how God makes me feel.

As for the Adderall, it is really miraculous. Even though it is an addictive and abused drug among college students, if you take it for the right reasons it is safe and makes a world of difference. I felt motivated, hungry for knowledge, and truly interested in the information I was reading. Being a nursing student, it is crucial to truly understand concepts and apply them to practice. I am excited for each new piece of information I can get my hands on because my future profession depends on my understanding of these concepts now. Today, I was able to understand deep concepts and visualize myself applying them in practice. Today, I was able to block out the background noise and zone in on my textbook. Today, I was able to view my studies as a privilege and a blessing rather than a thorn in my side. And wow, what a great feeling that is.

As for God, He is really miraculous. If you have a relationship with him for the right reasons, He makes a world of difference. He motivates me, reminds me of His plans for my life, and makes me truly invested in spreading His love to everyone. Being a Christian, it is crucial to truly understand my own relationship with God and apply Him to my everyday life. I am excited for each new piece of information I can get my hands on because my relationship with Him depends on my understanding of these new concepts. Every day, I am able to understand deep concepts and apply them to the life I am living. Every day, I am able to block out the background noise and zone in on Him. Every day, I am able to view His never ending love as a privilege and a blessing rather than something that is owed to me. And wow, what a great feeling that is.

This feeling with Adderall is very small scale compared to this feeling with God. However, they make for a good comparison.

You don’t have to take a pill to feel the effects of God. His effects are constant, abundant, and rewarding. He is there, always. He is life changing.

Ephesians 3:17-19 “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lords holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Secondly, these pictures were taken in La Libertad, El Salvador this past summer which brings me to another point.

Here are a few definitions of “liberty” from Merriam-Webster…

  1. the quality or state of being free
  2. the power to do as one pleases
  3. the power of choice

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

I can’t help but cringe when I hear people talk about the “rules and regulations” of being a Christian. There is no greater freedom than the freedom of worshipping God as you please and developing an individualized relationship with Him. There are MANY interpretations of the Bible therefore no one person or religion can claim 100% that they are correct in their interpretation. Liberty is the quality or state of being free and “…where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”. Freedom is the power to do as one pleases, the power of choice. And that is exactly what the Lord does for me, He empowers me to make choices about my life knowing that He has a plan through it all. He knows I will struggle to find my path, he knows I will fear rejection, he knows I will doubt myself, he knows I will be anxious. But God will walk with me through my struggles, my fears, my doubts, and my anxiety. He loves me unconditionally, no rules or regulations attached, except for that of spreading His love to others here on Earth. I know that my relationship with Him is different from others but that is what makes it so special. I also respect the opinions of others and I will not judge or look down upon ideas that are not my own because we all have the LIBERTY to worship as we wish. God provides us with that freedom and we are blessed by it.



Categories: confidence, God, happy, Health, Inspirational, Liberty, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thankful, Thinking, understand, World, Writing | Leave a comment

Last in my world

Only for so many moments of my life

Can I be just like everyone else

Statues in a changing world


But for the moments that are mine,

I am not like them at all

Stay with me and learn me

And be able to see like I do


Turn all the way around

Open your eyes wide

And look through my lens


I don’t want perfect or sane

I want flawed and crazy

I want raw, earthbound souls who long for spontaneous perfect moments


Greet me, old soul

Even through my harsh lens

With magic and courage

And a desire to thrive


Brave the change

Conquer the fear of difference

And last in my world, although initially scary

Categories: confidence, happy, Inspirational, Life, Mind, outcast, People, Perspective, Poetry, Quirks, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, World, Writing | 2 Comments

The Path to Color

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For 3 months now I’ve been in a depression. I have a few good writings about my depression but I mostly didn’t write. I wasn’t inspired. I felt emotionless, painless, nothing. I was so far into a depression that I wasn’t even concerned about getting out. It was just a dullness that had taken over and I was too tired to fight it. I wasn’t happy, but I also wasn’t that sad. In my depression, I never thought about the moment I would escape from it. I never thought about what it would feel like to finally be free. It went on for so long that I had learned to live with it. I knew how I would act. I knew that I would be like “this” for a while. I didn’t feel sorry for myself because I didn’t realize how bad it had actually gotten. It was just what my life had turned into.

I’m writing this now for any other person, even one single person reading this who understands what I’m talking about. This isn’t for someone who gets sad for one day and acts like they’re depressed. This is for someone who has lived this life. Someone who has been in the shadow for a long period of time. Someone who lacks energy, lacks emotion, lacks the words to say when someone asks what’s wrong. This is for you.

Hello there. You are already heading in the right direction. You’re online and you’re reading this. You’re reading a writing from someone you probably don’t know. You’ve gotten out of bed and you are curious. Maybe you are in the recovery stages just like me. I am proud of you. I know that most other people don’t understand. Maybe nobody in your family understands, maybe none of your friends. But I do. So it’s nice to meet you.

The thing is, everyone has a place they go to deal with their struggles. It is either a physical place or a mental place. Me? I’ve been struggling for a long time. I can’t go somewhere physically and stay there because I have to continue to be present in my live. I must act like I am where I’m supposed to be. Where others think I should be. So I go somewhere mentally. I zone out, I lose myself. I lose others. I am unaware of everything. People notice that something isn’t right. They notice that I’m not “here”. Medication? Can it help? Can someone help? I’m not sure. But really, is there a problem? I’m not sad or happy. I am nothing and it’s not painful. It’s not torturous. It’s the next best thing. If I’m not feeling happy, I might as well feel nothing. And everything is just fine in the world of nothing.

Me and you? There’s nothing wrong with us. This experience will make us stronger. It will make us compassionate and empathetic. It will make us better people. And because of that, I’m grateful to have gone through it.

The other side. That’s where I am heading! It is beautiful. It’s like starting to see everything in color again. I used to know colors but then I lost them. Thank goodness, they’ve been found.

In this moment, I am so focused on the present. Nothing specific is “good” but it is good. It is better than I’ve felt in a long time. The thing I’ve missed the most is my desire to write. I finally feel inspired again and that feeling is a good one.

It’s been a long journey. It has been exhausting. I’m ready to take a deep breath and paint my face with a genuine smile. I’m smiling right now for no reason at all.

This depression has taught me that no place, no person, no event has the power to make me genuinely happy. It is solely internal. It is my relationship with God, my own thoughts, my own feelings, and my own goals for my life that make my life a good one. No matter what I encounter, I will be strong. And I will fight. And I will refuse to be in the shadows again. I refuse to believe that being in the shadow is okay. I’m going to feel something. I’m going to care.

Am I recovered? Not even close. But I’m finally aware of my situation and I’m aware of the path I need to be on to fully escape from it. If the path is this nice, I am excited to continue.

Thanks for reading this. To many people, they’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. To some, they’ll feel like they’re reading about their own lives. And to others, depression can be different for everyone who goes through it, so maybe you read this and still understood. Just know, I am praying for you to find your escape.

God bless you all and may you value colors even more now than before.





Categories: happy, Health, Inspirational, Life, Mind, New Year, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Success, Thankful, Thinking, understand, words | Leave a comment

Curly haired girls want straight & vise versa


We always hear that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. And it does seem as if it is. Why is that? Perhaps it’s not that the grass is really greener, but we are looking at the grass on the other side with such positive and upbeat thoughts. We do this at difficult times in our lives because we convince ourselves that the other side must be so much better. That is, until we venture to the other side and realize that the color is the same and it struggles in the same drought.

Social media plays a huge role in this. We see a post from someone else and think that they are someplace magnificent having a ton of fun. And then we wonder why we aren’t having that much fun. Comparison is such a natural thing. We always want to make sure we are “competitive” with others and still hip with the coolest styles and best places to venture.

The best feeling in the world is being satisfied with yourself, confident in yourself, and happy for yourself. When you are these things, it’s easier to look at someone else’s life with genuine happiness for them and less jealousy of them and the things they are doing.

It is no secret that our lives move in swings. We will go through some really difficult times, think that life stinks, and not want to participate in society. Then, things get a little better and our life becomes just average. Then, things start getting better and better and we realize that we are in fact awesome people who have so much to offer the world. The problem is being naive enough to think that one of these stages lasts forever. The stages come and go, your outlook on each stage is the only thing you can control.

So make a loose promise to yourself to make the best of each stage. Know that your life will get messy and crazy, but also know that’s what makes it fun. Embrace the times when you are a mess and also embrace the times when you are well put together.

I have curly hair. And when I say curly, I mean lion’s mane crazy puffy curly hair. For the longest time, I was so jealous of the girls who had naturally straight hair. It seemed that they could just wake up in the morning and look flawless. Little did I know, they woke up in the morning trying to get their hair to hold a curl.

We all want what we don’t have, but today, let’s want what we have. Let’s know that the grass is equally green on both sides of the fence. Have confidence in your grass, your life, (and your hair).

Categories: 2016, confidence, happy, Inspirational, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | 4 Comments

Health & Happiness


Hi people!

Body image is a huge deal for everybody. That can mean multiple things. To some, it may mean physical appearance, weight, and clothing size. To me, it means feeling good in your own body and being able to physically do everything you want to do.

I am not a fitness guru in any form. I don’t go to the gym or lift weights. But I do make it a priority to exercise in some way at least once a day. And the result of that is being in shape without really knowing it. Being healthy is a lifestyle choice. Once you make that decision, you’ll go over a hump and exercise and eating right will come so naturally you won’t even realize it. I am healthy and happy in my body because I can physically do so many neat things that I enjoy. I can bike, hike, swim, ski, tube, kayak, and play sports. Exercise comes in so many fun forms. Find a form that is fun for you.

As far as eating, healthy things don’t have to come in the form of one “protein shake” a day. Healthy foods are really normal foods with good portion sizes. Cut out the processed stuff. Eat fruits and veggies. Jelly beans are okay every once in a while too. The key to success with a healthy diet is not being super strict. Eat pretty much what you want, just not too much of it. And drink water!! Water is so good for your body and skin. If you drink soda for the caffeine, I understand. Go slow and try to cut back little by little. Maybe limit yourself to one soda a day. Then go every other day. Before you know it, soda won’t even taste good to you. If soda isn’t something you’re willing to cut out, thats okay too! Try cutting out anything fried. There are so many options to start a healthy diet. But the most important thing is not stuffing yourself every meal. I don’t eat the standard 3 meals a day. I eat like a bird each setting, but I might eat 5 or 6 times a day. It’s more fun that way. If your family always cooks a big dinner, try to eat a small lunch. Everyone’s lifestyle is different. You have to find a healthy lifestyle that works for you. Nobody can tell you how your body works.

The most important thing about your health is you. Well duh, but sometimes people don’t think about that. Being healthy needs to be for yourself. Look good in that bikini because you want to look and feel good. Don’t do it for anyone else. Be active in a way that is fun to you. Use your competitive side to exercise every day. Play games, go outside, sweat a little. Sweating is so good for your health. It cleanses your body. Don’t look at someone who is more in shape than you and start to compare yourself to them. You are you!! Do it for yourself. Being healthy has so many other benefits–great skin, great attitude, and great happiness. I would love to hear from anybody about this topic. If you need advice or have advice to give, please comment!

Be happy and smile!! Love your life and love who you are.

Categories: 2016, confidence, Fitness, happy, Health, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | Leave a comment



Hello to all my bloggers,

The topic of today stems from a conversation between my mom and I while sitting in our adirondack chairs. We were sitting, side by side, and a post was in front of us. A pig shaped watering can was sitting just beyond the post. My mom asked me, “On what side of the post does the pig sit?” I very confidently answered “left”. It was a fact that the pig was on the left side of the post from where I was sitting. My mom argued back that the pig was most definitely on the right side of the post. We both took pictures from where we were sitting and I put them side by side in a photo collage (which is the photo you see above).

How can two people sitting so close together argue about which side of the post the pig sits? And how can those people argue with 100% certainty their own claim? It’s simple. From my position, the pig was on the left. But from her position, it was on the right. The word that allows this to make sense is “perspective”. In this situation, I feel as though most people understand the concept. However, putting this same idea on a larger scale causes riots and hatefulness.

Although I was hinting at politics, this goes for really all of the conflicts and disagreements in the world. When someone is arguing about something, it’s because they genuinely think it’s true. From their perspective, they will argue with 100% certainty.

Everyone sees the world through their own eyes. Nobody else can see things from your eyes. You might try to explain your perspective to them and they might seem to agree, or two people may try to describe their perspectives and think they are similar, but the truth of the matter is that what goes on in your head is only yours. And it differs slightly from anyone else. So how can one person bellow out their opinion in front of a crowd and declare it the truth? They do so by convincing people that their own opinions don’t matter and that somehow, they should believe that there is only one ultimate authority on the subject. The people who fall into the trap become known as “followers”.

The hatefulness and disgust comes from two groups of people with different perspectives who argue with each other and try to convince each other that one group is “right” and the other is “wrong”. As all of you know, the big rivalry comes between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. We take two people and use them as the face of two parties. People sit and riot because they think the political views of one or the other is absolutely outrageous. I know who is not getting my vote, because I think one of them is more psychotic than the other. And I agree with more of the views of one candidate. Does that mean I think everything they say is 100% true? No. Do I think they are super rude and unnecessarily jerkish? Yes. But the fact is, there are going to be two candidates on that ballot. One Republican and one Democrat. As a voter, I must pick which one I think would do a better job. And so I will go cast my vote in November as a part of my civic duty. It’s an honor to be able to vote. It’s my first time voting in November and I take pride in that. And for those of you who want to talk about politics with me, let’s do it. But why in the world would anyone go out and shove their opinions down another’s throat? It simply doesn’t make sense. It’s all about perspective.

One may proclaim that the pig is on the left side and the other may proclaim that the pig is on the right side. Before we cast judgement on others, let us sit in their adirondack chair for a moment and try to understand their perspective. And only after we do so can we begin to judge someone or critique someone for their views and opinions. So think about that next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone. Open your eyes, hold back your sharp tongue, and most importantly, allow your heart to empathize with whomever you encounter.

Categories: 2016, Life, Mind, People, Perspective, Politics, Reflective, Success, Thinking, understand, World, Writing | Leave a comment

The Mysteries in Hiding


The following poem is a mixture of so many feelings. Some of those feelings can’t be put into words, so they turn out to be a mix of words that in no way express the feeling. Point of story—you don’t always have to make sense. Your story is in you. So know that you are amazing. And you will be successful. Let the world inspire you not to make sense. But write about it anyway, because one day, you will look back and remember those feelings through your words that made no sense.

What feelings I have to express
To put me in a world so deep
As to manipulate what I know is right
To sit here and weep

And what we all want is the same
But the approach reaches all ends of the spectrum
For the yearning to make a difference is so powerful
But to find the way is too tough

So we carry on with our sticks
We keep throwing our stones
Knowing the result could be prosperous
But the journey exhausting

I make promises to myself
Some go unthought about
But most linger
Making me furious

If I cannot achieve
How do I say
That I can change the world
It’s one step away

But the beautiful photos
The miraculous places
Only seem that way to those without experience
The problem is the experience

We are in the todays
In the truth
The light that’s always shining
The darkness always waiting

Take your time in the light
As much as you need
But know that the memories
Are always there for the fun

Change the world for yourself
By yourself
And in no regard to the mysteries
Keep the mysteries in hiding

Categories: 2016, confidence, Inspirational, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Poetry, Reflective, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | Leave a comment

How does an average girl thrive?

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How does an average girl thrive?

I’m just an average girl still deciding where to part my hair…

I’m just an average girl who’s makeup looks different everyday…

I’m just an average girl trying to conquer my own style…

I’m just an average girl with average problems and an average judgment on life

My message to the world is this: there are more average people in the world than not. So how do average people thrive among others? The answer is they don’t. They do not thrive among others. To others, they are not special. Be special to yourself.

I do thrive. I thrive in my world. I think I am a cool person. I admire my extreme bedhead and I am in awe of how my hair can get in such an awesome position. I enjoy writing because I inspire myself. I like playing tennis because it is a fun sport, not because I’m that great at it. I think going to school is fine because I usually daydream and am content in my own mind. Sometimes I don’t do my makeup very well (mostly because I’m not good at it) just so I can look in the mirror and laugh at myself. When I get haircuts, I get it cut to that awkward length between long and short to remind myself that I am neither one. I am in the middle. I am the middle class that doesn’t stand out. My fingers are long and crooked. Sometimes I paint my nails in hopes that I become a hand model. But I don’t. Because my fingers are still crooked even with painted nails. I am claustrophobic. I can play such a mind game that I can make myself claustrophobic in an open room. Sometimes I write with my opposite hand and claim I am ambidextrous. But I am not. Even though the words look okay when I’m finished, it takes me a while to write it because my hand is shaky. I don’t have one store where I buy my jeans. It’s usually where I can find an extra long, because I’m tall. I don’t buy expensive prom dresses, and I certainly don’t get my hair and makeup done. I do it myself and see if I look just as decent as everyone else. My handwriting isn’t big and plump, nor small and neat. In fact, on two different days, my writing looks like it came from two different people. My legs are never shaved at the right times if at all. I never know the latest fashion, but I try to catch up just as it’s slipping away. I might be a little late to the trend, but I make my own trend since it’s so long after everyone else. I don’t have a favorite artist or band. I’m not into acting or music. I can sit in complete silence and think of something funny and laugh like a hyena. Sometimes I laugh at the wrong times or pick up on the punch line a little late. People will say things to me and I’ll smile and nod because I have no idea what they’re talking about. I have a lot of issues that stem from three things sticking up in a row. That probably doesn’t make sense but it’s like staring at a train wreck. You want to look away because it disgusts you, but you just can’t look away. I get chills from hearing a metal spoon touch the bottom of a metal pan. I’m not good at decorating things. I’m an extreme control freak. I think I can do anything. I trust myself more than anyone else. Sometimes I tell myself to remember a certain moment just to see if I can remember it months later. Sometimes I can, but most of the time I don’t. I really like looking at clocks and making patterns. I don’t like odd, prime numbers. They irk me. I’m superstitious and make my own superstitions. I like talking to myself in a mirror. I question mirrors a lot, and I try to convince myself that maybe I don’t look like what I see in the mirror just like I don’t think I sound like what I do on recordings. I don’t like movies, really. Action movies are okay. I like sitcoms and TV shows in which I can relate. I don’t like eating the standard three meals a day. I prefer to eat when I’m hungry and the amount I eat depends on how hungry I am. I love to people watch and hate when I’m staring at someone and they keep catching me staring. I wish they would just go along with their business and let me watch them. I never have the right things to say, and later I laugh at myself for being so socially awkward. I’m a different person to everyone I encounter. I’m not sure why or how, it just happens. I can keep a secret like no one’s business. I try not to lie, and when I do, it’s because I convince myself it’s the truth. I like taking pictures of strange things to look at later. I like taking pictures when people are laughing because it’s so natural. I get super anxious in situations with lots of people around. My favorite animal is a pig. I’m not sure why. I like stuffed animal pigs and paintings of pigs but not so much real life sows. They aren’t as cute. I hate when people yell at me or even raise their voice. In fact, I hate when other people are getting yelled at; it makes me feel awkward and embarrassed for them. I’m super scatterbrained and have to really push myself to focus in one area. I give everyone an equal chance of leaving their imprint on me. I’m like sand, footprints come and go, but I hold onto the ones worth holding onto. The footprint doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be interesting to me. Many things are interesting to me. And the footprints I like most are the ones without painted toenails. Don’t try to fool me, I can tell if the toenails are painted. I can also tell if the toenails are painted but don’t look quite right. I try to tell these footprints how much alike we are.

These things I like to call quirks about me. Everyone has them. Some of them are insecurities, some are just little tidbits about the way I operate and how I think. The crazy thing about insecurities is how simple they are and how abundant. The trick to dealing with your insecurities is to claim them. Shout it out loud that you’re secure about yourself. I am my own best friend. I like having friends but my power comes from thriving when I am alone. If you love who you are, everyone else will too. My style may not be in the clothes I wear but in the quirks I have and the way I embrace them. Everything in this world is a beautiful thing. Everything you encounter is there to help you become who you are. Challenges? That’s life. Confidence? That’s success…

Categories: confidence, Inspirational, Life, Mind, Passion, People, Quirks, Reflective, Secure, Thankful, Things about me, Thinking, World, Writing | Leave a comment

Producing Reality?


We go to the theaters and watch happy endings

But why are the movies so different from real life?

Would the movie be a hit if it ended in tragedy?

What if the conflict is not resolved?

The public couldn’t see something like that

What a horrible scenario we would have to endure

Isn’t it nice to watch a divorced couple get back together

Just before the wedding to another mate

Or long term friendships sprout into love

The good guys always win

Just when you think they are outnumbered

There is always one guy who comes in and saves the day

Are there only a few story lines that send us home happy?

And is that even one of the jobs of the producer?

Can we not watch as sorrow overcomes?

If we experience a realistic ending, would we enjoy the movie?

Or would we rather see something that seldom happens?

Most movies are the best case scenario where everything works out in the end

Everything doesn’t always work out in the end…

Is society so weak that we won’t handle reality?

Is this why we go to the theaters?

So that we can watch only what we want to see?

Here we are on this planet

All we can see is green grass and a blue sky

Could our population handle what we see when the backdrop gets taken away?

We have been shielded and protected from what we weren’t meant to witness

And when everything is sugarcoated…

It is hard to differenciate between reality and merely a dream

Categories: Life, People, Reflective, Thinking, World, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Road Less Traveled

I look around

And am surrounded

I glance ahead

And see darkness

The road is long

The line in the middle is faded

And there is nothing of greatness in view

How do I keep walking

When there is nothing to look forward to

I run into this dilemma daily

When there is no inspiration

It is hard to continue

However, just because greatness is not in view

Does not mean it is not there

Many times what you see can be deceiving

And this is why people quit

They don’t see anything and therefore assume there is nothing

To be a successful person

You must have the eye to see beyond

You must look at a situation and interpret it differently

Because greatness does not magically appear at your fingertips

You must keep walking and uncover what is held beneath the weeds

Categories: Inspirational, Life, Passion, Reflective, Thinking | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

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