Things about me

How does an average girl thrive?

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How does an average girl thrive?

I’m just an average girl still deciding where to part my hair…

I’m just an average girl who’s makeup looks different everyday…

I’m just an average girl trying to conquer my own style…

I’m just an average girl with average problems and an average judgment on life

My message to the world is this: there are more average people in the world than not. So how do average people thrive among others? The answer is they don’t. They do not thrive among others. To others, they are not special. Be special to yourself.

I do thrive. I thrive in my world. I think I am a cool person. I admire my extreme bedhead and I am in awe of how my hair can get in such an awesome position. I enjoy writing because I inspire myself. I like playing tennis because it is a fun sport, not because I’m that great at it. I think going to school is fine because I usually daydream and am content in my own mind. Sometimes I don’t do my makeup very well (mostly because I’m not good at it) just so I can look in the mirror and laugh at myself. When I get haircuts, I get it cut to that awkward length between long and short to remind myself that I am neither one. I am in the middle. I am the middle class that doesn’t stand out. My fingers are long and crooked. Sometimes I paint my nails in hopes that I become a hand model. But I don’t. Because my fingers are still crooked even with painted nails. I am claustrophobic. I can play such a mind game that I can make myself claustrophobic in an open room. Sometimes I write with my opposite hand and claim I am ambidextrous. But I am not. Even though the words look okay when I’m finished, it takes me a while to write it because my hand is shaky. I don’t have one store where I buy my jeans. It’s usually where I can find an extra long, because I’m tall. I don’t buy expensive prom dresses, and I certainly don’t get my hair and makeup done. I do it myself and see if I look just as decent as everyone else. My handwriting isn’t big and plump, nor small and neat. In fact, on two different days, my writing looks like it came from two different people. My legs are never shaved at the right times if at all. I never know the latest fashion, but I try to catch up just as it’s slipping away. I might be a little late to the trend, but I make my own trend since it’s so long after everyone else. I don’t have a favorite artist or band. I’m not into acting or music. I can sit in complete silence and think of something funny and laugh like a hyena. Sometimes I laugh at the wrong times or pick up on the punch line a little late. People will say things to me and I’ll smile and nod because I have no idea what they’re talking about. I have a lot of issues that stem from three things sticking up in a row. That probably doesn’t make sense but it’s like staring at a train wreck. You want to look away because it disgusts you, but you just can’t look away. I get chills from hearing a metal spoon touch the bottom of a metal pan. I’m not good at decorating things. I’m an extreme control freak. I think I can do anything. I trust myself more than anyone else. Sometimes I tell myself to remember a certain moment just to see if I can remember it months later. Sometimes I can, but most of the time I don’t. I really like looking at clocks and making patterns. I don’t like odd, prime numbers. They irk me. I’m superstitious and make my own superstitions. I like talking to myself in a mirror. I question mirrors a lot, and I try to convince myself that maybe I don’t look like what I see in the mirror just like I don’t think I sound like what I do on recordings. I don’t like movies, really. Action movies are okay. I like sitcoms and TV shows in which I can relate. I don’t like eating the standard three meals a day. I prefer to eat when I’m hungry and the amount I eat depends on how hungry I am. I love to people watch and hate when I’m staring at someone and they keep catching me staring. I wish they would just go along with their business and let me watch them. I never have the right things to say, and later I laugh at myself for being so socially awkward. I’m a different person to everyone I encounter. I’m not sure why or how, it just happens. I can keep a secret like no one’s business. I try not to lie, and when I do, it’s because I convince myself it’s the truth. I like taking pictures of strange things to look at later. I like taking pictures when people are laughing because it’s so natural. I get super anxious in situations with lots of people around. My favorite animal is a pig. I’m not sure why. I like stuffed animal pigs and paintings of pigs but not so much real life sows. They aren’t as cute. I hate when people yell at me or even raise their voice. In fact, I hate when other people are getting yelled at; it makes me feel awkward and embarrassed for them. I’m super scatterbrained and have to really push myself to focus in one area. I give everyone an equal chance of leaving their imprint on me. I’m like sand, footprints come and go, but I hold onto the ones worth holding onto. The footprint doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be interesting to me. Many things are interesting to me. And the footprints I like most are the ones without painted toenails. Don’t try to fool me, I can tell if the toenails are painted. I can also tell if the toenails are painted but don’t look quite right. I try to tell these footprints how much alike we are.

These things I like to call quirks about me. Everyone has them. Some of them are insecurities, some are just little tidbits about the way I operate and how I think. The crazy thing about insecurities is how simple they are and how abundant. The trick to dealing with your insecurities is to claim them. Shout it out loud that you’re secure about yourself. I am my own best friend. I like having friends but my power comes from thriving when I am alone. If you love who you are, everyone else will too. My style may not be in the clothes I wear but in the quirks I have and the way I embrace them. Everything in this world is a beautiful thing. Everything you encounter is there to help you become who you are. Challenges? That’s life. Confidence? That’s success…

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Categories: confidence, Inspirational, Life, Mind, Passion, People, Quirks, Reflective, Secure, Thankful, Things about me, Thinking, World, Writing | Leave a comment

The venture past comfort, and into magnificence…

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I tried diligently to make this into a poem…but 3 sit in my computer’s trashcan. I felt as though this topic should be expressed more similarly to the words I would speak. (P.S. Sorry for the lull in my writing…the sense seemed to vanish in the transfer from my mind to paper.)

I spend many nights worrying about where I am headed in life…career, location, and mental condition. I know this seems foolish, beings that I am only fourteen years old. My sister and I went to public schools through my freshman year and her sophomore. That being said, we are very familiar with what public schools feel like and had a stable basis to make our decision to become home schooled. We are both very good students, likable people, and had no problem “fitting in” at public schools. We had straight A’s all through elementary school, middle school, and the part of high school we attended. There was no struggle for either the academics nor social life. Our decision to become home schooled was based on our need to learn at a faster pace, and our yearn for freedom.

Public school for some students is great. It gives working parents a daycare for their kids and provides the sometimes much needed routine in kids lives. You learn the basics of responsibility and communication, and you learn reading, writing, and arithmetic. I am glad I attended public schools for the time I did. However, sometimes when I think about still being in public schools, I feel trapped. I feel like I am sitting in neutral with no ability to shift into drive.

Having the opportunity to be home schooled was a blessing (thanks Mom!). I feel free and smart and independent. I have a blank page at my fingertips with every color available. A common misconception about home schooled students is that we are antisocial and never get out of the house. When people make snarly comments about the home school stereotype, I almost chuckle under my breath. Being home schooled has made me the opposite of that.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about life. We go to school to prepare ourselves for life; then at twenty years old, we set off to become something suitable for society. But what is the definition of success? Making all A’s through high school, going to college, and choosing a good paying career? I always pictured myself doing just that. However, since we made the change, I not only feel stronger in my academic ability, but stronger as a human being. Being different is tough. It’s hard to get the average person to understand…therefore I suppose that’s why they are average. Having the yearn and the confidence to break away from everything you’ve ever known is difficult. You get looks and questions and furrowed brows. But when I grow old, I want a story to tell. I want a depth to my childhood. And most importantly, I want to develop a tough skin to face the rest of my life.

When I picture my life in ten years, I see a blurry picture. But in reality, what kid has their life totally planned? Of course I want to go to college, I want to own my own house, I want to live somewhere that makes me happy, and I want feel thrill as a part of everyday life. Writing down the things I want is the easy part, but making that happen will have to be worked on with each bridge I cross. But really the biggest challenge is figuring out in my own head what would accomplish those hopes and goals…and that, will take many years of trial and error.

When things are all said and done, my goal in life is to do the things I want to do. I want to experience things worth experiencing and I want to leave the world having done something I’m proud of. I want to make my own decisions, be my own person, and be happy wherever life takes me. But as a part of being me, I want to create dirt paths veering off from the pavement. As I travel down my path, I will stumble upon gloomy premises and dark nights. I will be frightened and will think of the worst case scenario. But when I reach the ravishing blue skies and waterfalls, I will know that my path is the only one that ended up here, past comfort and into magnificence.

Categories: Inspirational, Life, Mind, People, Reflective, Things about me | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Enough Hot Water

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We have a second house on the lake that we visit only occasionally in the winter. We will go and spend a night here and there just to check on things. I was ready to take a shower and had to turn the water heater up so that I could leisure in the toastiest of conditions. The water hadn’t quite reached the temperature I wanted, however I jumped in, being my impatient self. I turned the water only hot enough to be “comfortable”. I definitely would have preferred for it to be scolding. For some reason, I would not allow myself to turn it all the way to “HOT”. It was as if I turned it all the way up, I wouldn’t have that reassurance that it could get hotter. Even though I would be happier if the water was warmer, I didn’t want to experience “the best it could be”. While standing in the shower, I realized that this scenario occurred in everyday life as well. Sometimes we settle for things that are “okay” instead of “excellent” because we are scared to give it our all. Sometimes we are scared to really put ourselves out there for the fear of being hurt or disappointed. We accept the bare minimum so there’s no way to fail. If I turned the shower all the way up, I was afraid that I would use all of the hot water and it would get cold. If the water had gotten cold, then I would have been uncomfortable and disappointed. I am a very reserved person. I would rather sit in the corner in silence then carry on a conversation with someone. I envy people who can walk up to a stranger and hold a conversation. I know that I could probably handle this task decently, but I am scared to put myself out there and really give it my best effort. If I sit in the corner, no harm is done and I can’t get hurt. For a while, this seemed like the best option for me. But then I realized that I needed to turn the water all the way up. I needed to branch out and meet new people. Because even though there is a possibility of failure, and disappointment, and pain, there is also a possibility of success. And there just might be enough hot water…

Categories: Inspirational, Life, People, Reflective, Things about me, World | Tags: , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

I remember when…

Girls in Tree

I remember when…

The word “fun” was associated with the outdoors

I remember when…

We came inside with grass spots on our jeans

A little mud beneath a fingernail didn’t spark a conversation

Our lack of patience for darkness was for the fireflies

And we knew the sound of the crickets

I remember when…

Rain didn’t mean frizzy hair

Everyone called the creek their “pool”

Neighborhood friends devised intricate plans

And a walk down the road was an exciting venture

I remember when…

Laughs were contagious

Smiles were pure

Frowns were rare

And we played on the jungle gym created by mother nature

I remember when…

The call for dinner was a disturbance

The holes in our jeans were accidental

We had more play clothes than nice clothes

And the art of creation was exhibited by our little fingertips daily

I remember when…

The clouds were bunnies

The air was clean

Being naughty had a different definition

And fun was created rather than being placed in our hands

I remember when…

Categories: Inspirational, Life, Passion, Reflective, Things about me | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

One Lovely Blog Award

Thank you to Luggage Lady for nominating me for this award! She was my inspiration for starting my blog. xoxo

Seven Random Things about thelittletable:

  1. In preschool, the other kids didn’t think I could talk because I was so shy.
  2. I can’t kill a spider or a bug in my house because they all have a family to go home to.
  3. I’m allergic to peanuts, but have never had to use my Epipen.
  4. I spend my summers at the lake, swimming, boating, skiing, and tubing.
  5. I relate better to animals than people.
  6. I wanted to be home schooled because unlike many kids, I actually enjoy learning and want to go at a faster pace.
  7. I like even, composite numbers and clocks.

I am nominating the following inspirational bloggers:

  1. lifeartnotes
  2. poetryblogofmine
  3. Neeraj
  4. sethrowland
  5. cookie200007

Thank you everyone for reading my blog! I’m so happy I entered the blogosphere…I hope to continue to inspire others as others inspire me. 🙂

Categories: Award, Inspirational, Life, Things about me | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

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