Adderall, God & Liberty

I have recently been prescribed Adderall (yes, the study drug that has raised concern among some). I’ve been having a lot of trouble focusing over this past year and it seemed no matter what steps I took to help me focus, nothing was working. Granted, high school was a lot easier but I never experienced this feeling until I hit my nursing classes in college. Not being able to sit down and study was very frustrating for me and it was something I hadn’t experienced before. I have always been a good student and I valued by ability to study, learn, and expand my knowledge. I finally had to take steps to help with this. Over the past month, I’ve been working out the correct therapeutic dose of Adderall. I started off on a very low dose and couldn’t tell a difference at all in my studying. Then I went back to the doctor and got a higher dose. I picked up my prescription this morning and tried it. For the first time in a while, I’ve been able to put everything else aside and really concentrate. This has been such a productive day and I am very grateful for that. I want to talk a little bit about how the drug made me feel and relate that to how God makes me feel.

As for the Adderall, it is really miraculous. Even though it is an addictive and abused drug among college students, if you take it for the right reasons it is safe and makes a world of difference. I felt motivated, hungry for knowledge, and truly interested in the information I was reading. Being a nursing student, it is crucial to truly understand concepts and apply them to practice. I am excited for each new piece of information I can get my hands on because my future profession depends on my understanding of these concepts now. Today, I was able to understand deep concepts and visualize myself applying them in practice. Today, I was able to block out the background noise and zone in on my textbook. Today, I was able to view my studies as a privilege and a blessing rather than a thorn in my side. And wow, what a great feeling that is.

As for God, He is really miraculous. If you have a relationship with him for the right reasons, He makes a world of difference. He motivates me, reminds me of His plans for my life, and makes me truly invested in spreading His love to everyone. Being a Christian, it is crucial to truly understand my own relationship with God and apply Him to my everyday life. I am excited for each new piece of information I can get my hands on because my relationship with Him depends on my understanding of these new concepts. Every day, I am able to understand deep concepts and apply them to the life I am living. Every day, I am able to block out the background noise and zone in on Him. Every day, I am able to view His never ending love as a privilege and a blessing rather than something that is owed to me. And wow, what a great feeling that is.

This feeling with Adderall is very small scale compared to this feeling with God. However, they make for a good comparison.

You don’t have to take a pill to feel the effects of God. His effects are constant, abundant, and rewarding. He is there, always. He is life changing.

Ephesians 3:17-19 “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lords holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Secondly, these pictures were taken in La Libertad, El Salvador this past summer which brings me to another point.

Here are a few definitions of “liberty” from Merriam-Webster…

  1. the quality or state of being free
  2. the power to do as one pleases
  3. the power of choice

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

I can’t help but cringe when I hear people talk about the “rules and regulations” of being a Christian. There is no greater freedom than the freedom of worshipping God as you please and developing an individualized relationship with Him. There are MANY interpretations of the Bible therefore no one person or religion can claim 100% that they are correct in their interpretation. Liberty is the quality or state of being free and “…where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”. Freedom is the power to do as one pleases, the power of choice. And that is exactly what the Lord does for me, He empowers me to make choices about my life knowing that He has a plan through it all. He knows I will struggle to find my path, he knows I will fear rejection, he knows I will doubt myself, he knows I will be anxious. But God will walk with me through my struggles, my fears, my doubts, and my anxiety. He loves me unconditionally, no rules or regulations attached, except for that of spreading His love to others here on Earth. I know that my relationship with Him is different from others but that is what makes it so special. I also respect the opinions of others and I will not judge or look down upon ideas that are not my own because we all have the LIBERTY to worship as we wish. God provides us with that freedom and we are blessed by it.



Categories: confidence, God, happy, Health, Inspirational, Liberty, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thankful, Thinking, understand, World, Writing | Leave a comment

The Path to Color

IMG_8141 (1).jpg

For 3 months now I’ve been in a depression. I have a few good writings about my depression but I mostly didn’t write. I wasn’t inspired. I felt emotionless, painless, nothing. I was so far into a depression that I wasn’t even concerned about getting out. It was just a dullness that had taken over and I was too tired to fight it. I wasn’t happy, but I also wasn’t that sad. In my depression, I never thought about the moment I would escape from it. I never thought about what it would feel like to finally be free. It went on for so long that I had learned to live with it. I knew how I would act. I knew that I would be like “this” for a while. I didn’t feel sorry for myself because I didn’t realize how bad it had actually gotten. It was just what my life had turned into.

I’m writing this now for any other person, even one single person reading this who understands what I’m talking about. This isn’t for someone who gets sad for one day and acts like they’re depressed. This is for someone who has lived this life. Someone who has been in the shadow for a long period of time. Someone who lacks energy, lacks emotion, lacks the words to say when someone asks what’s wrong. This is for you.

Hello there. You are already heading in the right direction. You’re online and you’re reading this. You’re reading a writing from someone you probably don’t know. You’ve gotten out of bed and you are curious. Maybe you are in the recovery stages just like me. I am proud of you. I know that most other people don’t understand. Maybe nobody in your family understands, maybe none of your friends. But I do. So it’s nice to meet you.

The thing is, everyone has a place they go to deal with their struggles. It is either a physical place or a mental place. Me? I’ve been struggling for a long time. I can’t go somewhere physically and stay there because I have to continue to be present in my live. I must act like I am where I’m supposed to be. Where others think I should be. So I go somewhere mentally. I zone out, I lose myself. I lose others. I am unaware of everything. People notice that something isn’t right. They notice that I’m not “here”. Medication? Can it help? Can someone help? I’m not sure. But really, is there a problem? I’m not sad or happy. I am nothing and it’s not painful. It’s not torturous. It’s the next best thing. If I’m not feeling happy, I might as well feel nothing. And everything is just fine in the world of nothing.

Me and you? There’s nothing wrong with us. This experience will make us stronger. It will make us compassionate and empathetic. It will make us better people. And because of that, I’m grateful to have gone through it.

The other side. That’s where I am heading! It is beautiful. It’s like starting to see everything in color again. I used to know colors but then I lost them. Thank goodness, they’ve been found.

In this moment, I am so focused on the present. Nothing specific is “good” but it is good. It is better than I’ve felt in a long time. The thing I’ve missed the most is my desire to write. I finally feel inspired again and that feeling is a good one.

It’s been a long journey. It has been exhausting. I’m ready to take a deep breath and paint my face with a genuine smile. I’m smiling right now for no reason at all.

This depression has taught me that no place, no person, no event has the power to make me genuinely happy. It is solely internal. It is my relationship with God, my own thoughts, my own feelings, and my own goals for my life that make my life a good one. No matter what I encounter, I will be strong. And I will fight. And I will refuse to be in the shadows again. I refuse to believe that being in the shadow is okay. I’m going to feel something. I’m going to care.

Am I recovered? Not even close. But I’m finally aware of my situation and I’m aware of the path I need to be on to fully escape from it. If the path is this nice, I am excited to continue.

Thanks for reading this. To many people, they’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. To some, they’ll feel like they’re reading about their own lives. And to others, depression can be different for everyone who goes through it, so maybe you read this and still understood. Just know, I am praying for you to find your escape.

God bless you all and may you value colors even more now than before.





Categories: happy, Health, Inspirational, Life, Mind, New Year, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Success, Thankful, Thinking, understand, words | Leave a comment

Happy New Year


Happy New Year fellow bloggers! May your 2016 be filled with great achievements, kind words, and beautiful places.

For those of you who make New Year’s resolutions, how long do they last? Speaking for myself, I’d be lucky to make it the month of January. That being said, I don’t make resolutions necessarily. Rather, I improve my way of life throughout the whole year, or try at least.

I push myself to become a better person. I push myself to become “good” at something that interests me. I push myself to be kind and do things for the greater good of everyone, not just myself.

Steps to do these things can be minor. For example, I have a fascination in pictures. I enjoy taking pictures, being in pictures, organizing pictures, and editing pictures. My instinct every time after a picture is taken is the see how I look in the picture. If I don’t look decent, the picture becomes “not good” in my mind. It doesn’t matter how anyone else looks because I didn’t even look at them.

As a part of my progress of becoming a better person, I have told myself to look at the picture as a whole before I look at anything else. Is the lighting acceptable? How about the location? Does everyone have their eyes open? At the moment, I can successfully do those things and then I look at myself. Maybe one day, I can do those things and then look at everyone else before myself.

It’s a minor goal, I realize. But I feel as though little things such as this go further in shaping my life. Yes, I could make an elaborate New Year’s resolution and try to convince myself that I can achieve it. However, goals are meant to push yourself just enough, but they must allow you to see success.

I wish I was able to put my head to one thing and stick with it. Some of you can and you achieve amazing things because of it. That is one quality I wish I had and hope to have in the future. I believe there’s a trick to it. The trick is probably different for everyone. My trick is using small things to practice such as changing the way you look at pictures. Then when you get proficient at small activities, challenge yourself a little more.

My hope for all of you is achievement this year. Big or small, accomplishment is encouraging.

I’ll be rooting for you! Please root for me as well.

I have a great feeling about 2016. It’s my high school graduation year! I’ve been waiting for this year for a long time. I get the opportunity to go to college and learn to be on my own. Not to mention, I get to pursue my dream career of being a nurse. I can’t wait for all the opportunities and although the shift to adulthood will be tough, BRING IT ON!

Happy New Year! Life is good…

Categories: 2016, confidence, Inspirational, Life, Mind, New Year, Passion, People, Reflective, Success, Thankful, World, Writing | Leave a comment

How does an average girl thrive?

Picture for Insecurities.jpg

How does an average girl thrive?

I’m just an average girl still deciding where to part my hair…

I’m just an average girl who’s makeup looks different everyday…

I’m just an average girl trying to conquer my own style…

I’m just an average girl with average problems and an average judgment on life

My message to the world is this: there are more average people in the world than not. So how do average people thrive among others? The answer is they don’t. They do not thrive among others. To others, they are not special. Be special to yourself.

I do thrive. I thrive in my world. I think I am a cool person. I admire my extreme bedhead and I am in awe of how my hair can get in such an awesome position. I enjoy writing because I inspire myself. I like playing tennis because it is a fun sport, not because I’m that great at it. I think going to school is fine because I usually daydream and am content in my own mind. Sometimes I don’t do my makeup very well (mostly because I’m not good at it) just so I can look in the mirror and laugh at myself. When I get haircuts, I get it cut to that awkward length between long and short to remind myself that I am neither one. I am in the middle. I am the middle class that doesn’t stand out. My fingers are long and crooked. Sometimes I paint my nails in hopes that I become a hand model. But I don’t. Because my fingers are still crooked even with painted nails. I am claustrophobic. I can play such a mind game that I can make myself claustrophobic in an open room. Sometimes I write with my opposite hand and claim I am ambidextrous. But I am not. Even though the words look okay when I’m finished, it takes me a while to write it because my hand is shaky. I don’t have one store where I buy my jeans. It’s usually where I can find an extra long, because I’m tall. I don’t buy expensive prom dresses, and I certainly don’t get my hair and makeup done. I do it myself and see if I look just as decent as everyone else. My handwriting isn’t big and plump, nor small and neat. In fact, on two different days, my writing looks like it came from two different people. My legs are never shaved at the right times if at all. I never know the latest fashion, but I try to catch up just as it’s slipping away. I might be a little late to the trend, but I make my own trend since it’s so long after everyone else. I don’t have a favorite artist or band. I’m not into acting or music. I can sit in complete silence and think of something funny and laugh like a hyena. Sometimes I laugh at the wrong times or pick up on the punch line a little late. People will say things to me and I’ll smile and nod because I have no idea what they’re talking about. I have a lot of issues that stem from three things sticking up in a row. That probably doesn’t make sense but it’s like staring at a train wreck. You want to look away because it disgusts you, but you just can’t look away. I get chills from hearing a metal spoon touch the bottom of a metal pan. I’m not good at decorating things. I’m an extreme control freak. I think I can do anything. I trust myself more than anyone else. Sometimes I tell myself to remember a certain moment just to see if I can remember it months later. Sometimes I can, but most of the time I don’t. I really like looking at clocks and making patterns. I don’t like odd, prime numbers. They irk me. I’m superstitious and make my own superstitions. I like talking to myself in a mirror. I question mirrors a lot, and I try to convince myself that maybe I don’t look like what I see in the mirror just like I don’t think I sound like what I do on recordings. I don’t like movies, really. Action movies are okay. I like sitcoms and TV shows in which I can relate. I don’t like eating the standard three meals a day. I prefer to eat when I’m hungry and the amount I eat depends on how hungry I am. I love to people watch and hate when I’m staring at someone and they keep catching me staring. I wish they would just go along with their business and let me watch them. I never have the right things to say, and later I laugh at myself for being so socially awkward. I’m a different person to everyone I encounter. I’m not sure why or how, it just happens. I can keep a secret like no one’s business. I try not to lie, and when I do, it’s because I convince myself it’s the truth. I like taking pictures of strange things to look at later. I like taking pictures when people are laughing because it’s so natural. I get super anxious in situations with lots of people around. My favorite animal is a pig. I’m not sure why. I like stuffed animal pigs and paintings of pigs but not so much real life sows. They aren’t as cute. I hate when people yell at me or even raise their voice. In fact, I hate when other people are getting yelled at; it makes me feel awkward and embarrassed for them. I’m super scatterbrained and have to really push myself to focus in one area. I give everyone an equal chance of leaving their imprint on me. I’m like sand, footprints come and go, but I hold onto the ones worth holding onto. The footprint doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be interesting to me. Many things are interesting to me. And the footprints I like most are the ones without painted toenails. Don’t try to fool me, I can tell if the toenails are painted. I can also tell if the toenails are painted but don’t look quite right. I try to tell these footprints how much alike we are.

These things I like to call quirks about me. Everyone has them. Some of them are insecurities, some are just little tidbits about the way I operate and how I think. The crazy thing about insecurities is how simple they are and how abundant. The trick to dealing with your insecurities is to claim them. Shout it out loud that you’re secure about yourself. I am my own best friend. I like having friends but my power comes from thriving when I am alone. If you love who you are, everyone else will too. My style may not be in the clothes I wear but in the quirks I have and the way I embrace them. Everything in this world is a beautiful thing. Everything you encounter is there to help you become who you are. Challenges? That’s life. Confidence? That’s success…

Categories: confidence, Inspirational, Life, Mind, Passion, People, Quirks, Reflective, Secure, Thankful, Things about me, Thinking, World, Writing | Leave a comment

Love the blue skies, but believe in the overcast…


The black clouds
Overtake the blue skies
The land becomes dark
But how can I despise?

For the realization of an instant
Began the agonizing thought
That nothing is the same forever
Why does this make me distraught?

I put my love and trust into forever
And now that is gone in a blink
The mourning lasts for a couple days
I can only hope the pain will shrink

When my view of everything
Was only days to come
I felt as though I had no other moves
And my once uplifting spirit was so very glum

But when the tears vanished
And my blurry vision was no more
I could see the future with determined eyes
It was like nothing I’ve felt before

For now I walk with a smile on my face
Not because loved ones can ever be replaced
But rather because I know my life has a plan
And the lesson being taught has only just begun

With that being said
The knowledge of the pain
Will be forever present in my brain
But the uttermost hurt, with time, will shed

Time with my precious kitty
Meant the world to me
And although she is gone
Her spirit lives on

My head is held high
And I do things to make myself happy
I can’t dwell on the past
Because what then is my future?

How can the dark clouds make me angry?
I have much enjoyed the blue skies
But everything must come to an end
I will muster my strength by knowing there are worse cries

You must experience the pain in order measure the pleasure
Love the clear skies, but believe in the overcast…

P.S. We got a pregnant kitty and she had five healthy kittens on Tuesday night. 🙂

006 (2)

Categories: Animals, cat, Inspirational, Life, Love, pets, Reflective, Thankful | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Happy Birthday to my Sister

Girls in Hats 2
With her strength

I can stand

With my pain

She offers her hand

With her humor

I giggle

With her tickles

I wiggle

With her open arms

I fall

With her uplifting spirit

I stand tall

With her sadness

I mourn

With my wrongdoings

She scorns

With her mother-like qualities

I am cared for

With her warm heart

I will be loved forever more

I want to wish my big sister and best friend a Happy 16th Birthday! Thank you for all you’ve done for me and for giving me a friendship that will last forever…I am truly honored to have you as my sister. You are my role model and I look up to you in every way. Happy Birthday! I love you!

Categories: Life, Love, Reflective, Thankful | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

A Journey with Friends

frame 4

Why are friends, friends?

With what rubric are friends chosen?

I have cringed at the fact that our friends are based upon who we go to school with

Becoming home schooled..

I’ve had to make a special effort to find things in common besides math class

Some would think that being home schooled would mean a lack of friends

And so did I, as we made the move from a classroom to my kitchen table

But to my surprise I have come closer to the people whom I wish to “bond” with

By not being privy to the latest gossip at school…

I’ve had to do things outside of school in order to maintain the friendships I value

Being home schooled, I’ve realized that the memories worth saving forever

Are the fun memories of tubing and skiing and sledding

And long walks and adventures into the depths of the woods

And having deep conversations about life

And forming a bond with your friend..cleansed of gossip

You may be able to “chat” with any Tom, Bob, or Harry

But a true friendship must be based not on the lives of the “hottest couple in school”

But rather experiences and journeys together


To My Dearest Friend Alli,


Words cannot express how much I value your friendship…


Through ups and downs

Through smiles and frowns

Through drought or snowy weather

Through pain, we’ll be together

With many moments cherished

With memories until we’re perished

With humor and wit

With a seal difficult to split

Life is a journey

With the level of difficulty depending on how you face it…

And with confidence I can proclaim

That a journey with friendship

Is a journey worth embarking upon


Thank you for being my friend

And here’s to many more years of dirt roads and knapsacks…


With love,


Categories: Inspirational, Life, Love, People, Reflective, Thankful | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Give thanks…

I am so grateful for everything I have

I am blessed in so many ways

I am a healthy 14 year old girl

I was given a body to meet all my needs

I have a young pair of legs for taking long walks

I have great ears for hearing the sounds of nature

I have spectacular vision for seeing the beautiful colors

I have a long nose for smelling the odors of the outdoors

I have big hands for touching different textures and objects

I have a healthy heart for endurance and agility

And I have a creative mind for being able to put my life into words

I am thankful for my family and friends

And I am overjoyed that I was put on this Earth

By being here today, I’ve been given the opportunity to be inspired by people and nature

And when I leave this Earth, I hope to have given something back

I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving

And always be thankful for what you were given

Because beauty comes in many different forms…

Blessings to all my fellow bloggers

Categories: Life, Love, Mind, People, Thankful, Thanks | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Create a free website or blog at