Adderall, God & Liberty

I have recently been prescribed Adderall (yes, the study drug that has raised concern among some). I’ve been having a lot of trouble focusing over this past year and it seemed no matter what steps I took to help me focus, nothing was working. Granted, high school was a lot easier but I never experienced this feeling until I hit my nursing classes in college. Not being able to sit down and study was very frustrating for me and it was something I hadn’t experienced before. I have always been a good student and I valued by ability to study, learn, and expand my knowledge. I finally had to take steps to help with this. Over the past month, I’ve been working out the correct therapeutic dose of Adderall. I started off on a very low dose and couldn’t tell a difference at all in my studying. Then I went back to the doctor and got a higher dose. I picked up my prescription this morning and tried it. For the first time in a while, I’ve been able to put everything else aside and really concentrate. This has been such a productive day and I am very grateful for that. I want to talk a little bit about how the drug made me feel and relate that to how God makes me feel.

As for the Adderall, it is really miraculous. Even though it is an addictive and abused drug among college students, if you take it for the right reasons it is safe and makes a world of difference. I felt motivated, hungry for knowledge, and truly interested in the information I was reading. Being a nursing student, it is crucial to truly understand concepts and apply them to practice. I am excited for each new piece of information I can get my hands on because my future profession depends on my understanding of these concepts now. Today, I was able to understand deep concepts and visualize myself applying them in practice. Today, I was able to block out the background noise and zone in on my textbook. Today, I was able to view my studies as a privilege and a blessing rather than a thorn in my side. And wow, what a great feeling that is.

As for God, He is really miraculous. If you have a relationship with him for the right reasons, He makes a world of difference. He motivates me, reminds me of His plans for my life, and makes me truly invested in spreading His love to everyone. Being a Christian, it is crucial to truly understand my own relationship with God and apply Him to my everyday life. I am excited for each new piece of information I can get my hands on because my relationship with Him depends on my understanding of these new concepts. Every day, I am able to understand deep concepts and apply them to the life I am living. Every day, I am able to block out the background noise and zone in on Him. Every day, I am able to view His never ending love as a privilege and a blessing rather than something that is owed to me. And wow, what a great feeling that is.

This feeling with Adderall is very small scale compared to this feeling with God. However, they make for a good comparison.

You don’t have to take a pill to feel the effects of God. His effects are constant, abundant, and rewarding. He is there, always. He is life changing.

Ephesians 3:17-19 “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lords holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Secondly, these pictures were taken in La Libertad, El Salvador this past summer which brings me to another point.

Here are a few definitions of “liberty” from Merriam-Webster…

  1. the quality or state of being free
  2. the power to do as one pleases
  3. the power of choice

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

I can’t help but cringe when I hear people talk about the “rules and regulations” of being a Christian. There is no greater freedom than the freedom of worshipping God as you please and developing an individualized relationship with Him. There are MANY interpretations of the Bible therefore no one person or religion can claim 100% that they are correct in their interpretation. Liberty is the quality or state of being free and “…where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”. Freedom is the power to do as one pleases, the power of choice. And that is exactly what the Lord does for me, He empowers me to make choices about my life knowing that He has a plan through it all. He knows I will struggle to find my path, he knows I will fear rejection, he knows I will doubt myself, he knows I will be anxious. But God will walk with me through my struggles, my fears, my doubts, and my anxiety. He loves me unconditionally, no rules or regulations attached, except for that of spreading His love to others here on Earth. I know that my relationship with Him is different from others but that is what makes it so special. I also respect the opinions of others and I will not judge or look down upon ideas that are not my own because we all have the LIBERTY to worship as we wish. God provides us with that freedom and we are blessed by it.



Categories: confidence, God, happy, Health, Inspirational, Liberty, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thankful, Thinking, understand, World, Writing | Leave a comment

Last in my world

Only for so many moments of my life

Can I be just like everyone else

Statues in a changing world


But for the moments that are mine,

I am not like them at all

Stay with me and learn me

And be able to see like I do


Turn all the way around

Open your eyes wide

And look through my lens


I don’t want perfect or sane

I want flawed and crazy

I want raw, earthbound souls who long for spontaneous perfect moments


Greet me, old soul

Even through my harsh lens

With magic and courage

And a desire to thrive


Brave the change

Conquer the fear of difference

And last in my world, although initially scary

Categories: confidence, happy, Inspirational, Life, Mind, outcast, People, Perspective, Poetry, Quirks, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, World, Writing | 2 Comments

The Path to Color

IMG_8141 (1).jpg

For 3 months now I’ve been in a depression. I have a few good writings about my depression but I mostly didn’t write. I wasn’t inspired. I felt emotionless, painless, nothing. I was so far into a depression that I wasn’t even concerned about getting out. It was just a dullness that had taken over and I was too tired to fight it. I wasn’t happy, but I also wasn’t that sad. In my depression, I never thought about the moment I would escape from it. I never thought about what it would feel like to finally be free. It went on for so long that I had learned to live with it. I knew how I would act. I knew that I would be like “this” for a while. I didn’t feel sorry for myself because I didn’t realize how bad it had actually gotten. It was just what my life had turned into.

I’m writing this now for any other person, even one single person reading this who understands what I’m talking about. This isn’t for someone who gets sad for one day and acts like they’re depressed. This is for someone who has lived this life. Someone who has been in the shadow for a long period of time. Someone who lacks energy, lacks emotion, lacks the words to say when someone asks what’s wrong. This is for you.

Hello there. You are already heading in the right direction. You’re online and you’re reading this. You’re reading a writing from someone you probably don’t know. You’ve gotten out of bed and you are curious. Maybe you are in the recovery stages just like me. I am proud of you. I know that most other people don’t understand. Maybe nobody in your family understands, maybe none of your friends. But I do. So it’s nice to meet you.

The thing is, everyone has a place they go to deal with their struggles. It is either a physical place or a mental place. Me? I’ve been struggling for a long time. I can’t go somewhere physically and stay there because I have to continue to be present in my live. I must act like I am where I’m supposed to be. Where others think I should be. So I go somewhere mentally. I zone out, I lose myself. I lose others. I am unaware of everything. People notice that something isn’t right. They notice that I’m not “here”. Medication? Can it help? Can someone help? I’m not sure. But really, is there a problem? I’m not sad or happy. I am nothing and it’s not painful. It’s not torturous. It’s the next best thing. If I’m not feeling happy, I might as well feel nothing. And everything is just fine in the world of nothing.

Me and you? There’s nothing wrong with us. This experience will make us stronger. It will make us compassionate and empathetic. It will make us better people. And because of that, I’m grateful to have gone through it.

The other side. That’s where I am heading! It is beautiful. It’s like starting to see everything in color again. I used to know colors but then I lost them. Thank goodness, they’ve been found.

In this moment, I am so focused on the present. Nothing specific is “good” but it is good. It is better than I’ve felt in a long time. The thing I’ve missed the most is my desire to write. I finally feel inspired again and that feeling is a good one.

It’s been a long journey. It has been exhausting. I’m ready to take a deep breath and paint my face with a genuine smile. I’m smiling right now for no reason at all.

This depression has taught me that no place, no person, no event has the power to make me genuinely happy. It is solely internal. It is my relationship with God, my own thoughts, my own feelings, and my own goals for my life that make my life a good one. No matter what I encounter, I will be strong. And I will fight. And I will refuse to be in the shadows again. I refuse to believe that being in the shadow is okay. I’m going to feel something. I’m going to care.

Am I recovered? Not even close. But I’m finally aware of my situation and I’m aware of the path I need to be on to fully escape from it. If the path is this nice, I am excited to continue.

Thanks for reading this. To many people, they’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. To some, they’ll feel like they’re reading about their own lives. And to others, depression can be different for everyone who goes through it, so maybe you read this and still understood. Just know, I am praying for you to find your escape.

God bless you all and may you value colors even more now than before.





Categories: happy, Health, Inspirational, Life, Mind, New Year, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Success, Thankful, Thinking, understand, words | Leave a comment

Curly haired girls want straight & vise versa


We always hear that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. And it does seem as if it is. Why is that? Perhaps it’s not that the grass is really greener, but we are looking at the grass on the other side with such positive and upbeat thoughts. We do this at difficult times in our lives because we convince ourselves that the other side must be so much better. That is, until we venture to the other side and realize that the color is the same and it struggles in the same drought.

Social media plays a huge role in this. We see a post from someone else and think that they are someplace magnificent having a ton of fun. And then we wonder why we aren’t having that much fun. Comparison is such a natural thing. We always want to make sure we are “competitive” with others and still hip with the coolest styles and best places to venture.

The best feeling in the world is being satisfied with yourself, confident in yourself, and happy for yourself. When you are these things, it’s easier to look at someone else’s life with genuine happiness for them and less jealousy of them and the things they are doing.

It is no secret that our lives move in swings. We will go through some really difficult times, think that life stinks, and not want to participate in society. Then, things get a little better and our life becomes just average. Then, things start getting better and better and we realize that we are in fact awesome people who have so much to offer the world. The problem is being naive enough to think that one of these stages lasts forever. The stages come and go, your outlook on each stage is the only thing you can control.

So make a loose promise to yourself to make the best of each stage. Know that your life will get messy and crazy, but also know that’s what makes it fun. Embrace the times when you are a mess and also embrace the times when you are well put together.

I have curly hair. And when I say curly, I mean lion’s mane crazy puffy curly hair. For the longest time, I was so jealous of the girls who had naturally straight hair. It seemed that they could just wake up in the morning and look flawless. Little did I know, they woke up in the morning trying to get their hair to hold a curl.

We all want what we don’t have, but today, let’s want what we have. Let’s know that the grass is equally green on both sides of the fence. Have confidence in your grass, your life, (and your hair).

Categories: 2016, confidence, happy, Inspirational, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | 4 Comments

Health & Happiness


Hi people!

Body image is a huge deal for everybody. That can mean multiple things. To some, it may mean physical appearance, weight, and clothing size. To me, it means feeling good in your own body and being able to physically do everything you want to do.

I am not a fitness guru in any form. I don’t go to the gym or lift weights. But I do make it a priority to exercise in some way at least once a day. And the result of that is being in shape without really knowing it. Being healthy is a lifestyle choice. Once you make that decision, you’ll go over a hump and exercise and eating right will come so naturally you won’t even realize it. I am healthy and happy in my body because I can physically do so many neat things that I enjoy. I can bike, hike, swim, ski, tube, kayak, and play sports. Exercise comes in so many fun forms. Find a form that is fun for you.

As far as eating, healthy things don’t have to come in the form of one “protein shake” a day. Healthy foods are really normal foods with good portion sizes. Cut out the processed stuff. Eat fruits and veggies. Jelly beans are okay every once in a while too. The key to success with a healthy diet is not being super strict. Eat pretty much what you want, just not too much of it. And drink water!! Water is so good for your body and skin. If you drink soda for the caffeine, I understand. Go slow and try to cut back little by little. Maybe limit yourself to one soda a day. Then go every other day. Before you know it, soda won’t even taste good to you. If soda isn’t something you’re willing to cut out, thats okay too! Try cutting out anything fried. There are so many options to start a healthy diet. But the most important thing is not stuffing yourself every meal. I don’t eat the standard 3 meals a day. I eat like a bird each setting, but I might eat 5 or 6 times a day. It’s more fun that way. If your family always cooks a big dinner, try to eat a small lunch. Everyone’s lifestyle is different. You have to find a healthy lifestyle that works for you. Nobody can tell you how your body works.

The most important thing about your health is you. Well duh, but sometimes people don’t think about that. Being healthy needs to be for yourself. Look good in that bikini because you want to look and feel good. Don’t do it for anyone else. Be active in a way that is fun to you. Use your competitive side to exercise every day. Play games, go outside, sweat a little. Sweating is so good for your health. It cleanses your body. Don’t look at someone who is more in shape than you and start to compare yourself to them. You are you!! Do it for yourself. Being healthy has so many other benefits–great skin, great attitude, and great happiness. I would love to hear from anybody about this topic. If you need advice or have advice to give, please comment!

Be happy and smile!! Love your life and love who you are.

Categories: 2016, confidence, Fitness, happy, Health, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | Leave a comment

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