The Path to Color

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For 3 months now I’ve been in a depression. I have a few good writings about my depression but I mostly didn’t write. I wasn’t inspired. I felt emotionless, painless, nothing. I was so far into a depression that I wasn’t even concerned about getting out. It was just a dullness that had taken over and I was too tired to fight it. I wasn’t happy, but I also wasn’t that sad. In my depression, I never thought about the moment I would escape from it. I never thought about what it would feel like to finally be free. It went on for so long that I had learned to live with it. I knew how I would act. I knew that I would be like “this” for a while. I didn’t feel sorry for myself because I didn’t realize how bad it had actually gotten. It was just what my life had turned into.

I’m writing this now for any other person, even one single person reading this who understands what I’m talking about. This isn’t for someone who gets sad for one day and acts like they’re depressed. This is for someone who has lived this life. Someone who has been in the shadow for a long period of time. Someone who lacks energy, lacks emotion, lacks the words to say when someone asks what’s wrong. This is for you.

Hello there. You are already heading in the right direction. You’re online and you’re reading this. You’re reading a writing from someone you probably don’t know. You’ve gotten out of bed and you are curious. Maybe you are in the recovery stages just like me. I am proud of you. I know that most other people don’t understand. Maybe nobody in your family understands, maybe none of your friends. But I do. So it’s nice to meet you.

The thing is, everyone has a place they go to deal with their struggles. It is either a physical place or a mental place. Me? I’ve been struggling for a long time. I can’t go somewhere physically and stay there because I have to continue to be present in my live. I must act like I am where I’m supposed to be. Where others think I should be. So I go somewhere mentally. I zone out, I lose myself. I lose others. I am unaware of everything. People notice that something isn’t right. They notice that I’m not “here”. Medication? Can it help? Can someone help? I’m not sure. But really, is there a problem? I’m not sad or happy. I am nothing and it’s not painful. It’s not torturous. It’s the next best thing. If I’m not feeling happy, I might as well feel nothing. And everything is just fine in the world of nothing.

Me and you? There’s nothing wrong with us. This experience will make us stronger. It will make us compassionate and empathetic. It will make us better people. And because of that, I’m grateful to have gone through it.

The other side. That’s where I am heading! It is beautiful. It’s like starting to see everything in color again. I used to know colors but then I lost them. Thank goodness, they’ve been found.

In this moment, I am so focused on the present. Nothing specific is “good” but it is good. It is better than I’ve felt in a long time. The thing I’ve missed the most is my desire to write. I finally feel inspired again and that feeling is a good one.

It’s been a long journey. It has been exhausting. I’m ready to take a deep breath and paint my face with a genuine smile. I’m smiling right now for no reason at all.

This depression has taught me that no place, no person, no event has the power to make me genuinely happy. It is solely internal. It is my relationship with God, my own thoughts, my own feelings, and my own goals for my life that make my life a good one. No matter what I encounter, I will be strong. And I will fight. And I will refuse to be in the shadows again. I refuse to believe that being in the shadow is okay. I’m going to feel something. I’m going to care.

Am I recovered? Not even close. But I’m finally aware of my situation and I’m aware of the path I need to be on to fully escape from it. If the path is this nice, I am excited to continue.

Thanks for reading this. To many people, they’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. To some, they’ll feel like they’re reading about their own lives. And to others, depression can be different for everyone who goes through it, so maybe you read this and still understood. Just know, I am praying for you to find your escape.

God bless you all and may you value colors even more now than before.





Categories: happy, Health, Inspirational, Life, Mind, New Year, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Success, Thankful, Thinking, understand, words | Leave a comment

Curly haired girls want straight & vise versa


We always hear that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. And it does seem as if it is. Why is that? Perhaps it’s not that the grass is really greener, but we are looking at the grass on the other side with such positive and upbeat thoughts. We do this at difficult times in our lives because we convince ourselves that the other side must be so much better. That is, until we venture to the other side and realize that the color is the same and it struggles in the same drought.

Social media plays a huge role in this. We see a post from someone else and think that they are someplace magnificent having a ton of fun. And then we wonder why we aren’t having that much fun. Comparison is such a natural thing. We always want to make sure we are “competitive” with others and still hip with the coolest styles and best places to venture.

The best feeling in the world is being satisfied with yourself, confident in yourself, and happy for yourself. When you are these things, it’s easier to look at someone else’s life with genuine happiness for them and less jealousy of them and the things they are doing.

It is no secret that our lives move in swings. We will go through some really difficult times, think that life stinks, and not want to participate in society. Then, things get a little better and our life becomes just average. Then, things start getting better and better and we realize that we are in fact awesome people who have so much to offer the world. The problem is being naive enough to think that one of these stages lasts forever. The stages come and go, your outlook on each stage is the only thing you can control.

So make a loose promise to yourself to make the best of each stage. Know that your life will get messy and crazy, but also know that’s what makes it fun. Embrace the times when you are a mess and also embrace the times when you are well put together.

I have curly hair. And when I say curly, I mean lion’s mane crazy puffy curly hair. For the longest time, I was so jealous of the girls who had naturally straight hair. It seemed that they could just wake up in the morning and look flawless. Little did I know, they woke up in the morning trying to get their hair to hold a curl.

We all want what we don’t have, but today, let’s want what we have. Let’s know that the grass is equally green on both sides of the fence. Have confidence in your grass, your life, (and your hair).

Categories: 2016, confidence, happy, Inspirational, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Perspective, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | 4 Comments

Health & Happiness


Hi people!

Body image is a huge deal for everybody. That can mean multiple things. To some, it may mean physical appearance, weight, and clothing size. To me, it means feeling good in your own body and being able to physically do everything you want to do.

I am not a fitness guru in any form. I don’t go to the gym or lift weights. But I do make it a priority to exercise in some way at least once a day. And the result of that is being in shape without really knowing it. Being healthy is a lifestyle choice. Once you make that decision, you’ll go over a hump and exercise and eating right will come so naturally you won’t even realize it. I am healthy and happy in my body because I can physically do so many neat things that I enjoy. I can bike, hike, swim, ski, tube, kayak, and play sports. Exercise comes in so many fun forms. Find a form that is fun for you.

As far as eating, healthy things don’t have to come in the form of one “protein shake” a day. Healthy foods are really normal foods with good portion sizes. Cut out the processed stuff. Eat fruits and veggies. Jelly beans are okay every once in a while too. The key to success with a healthy diet is not being super strict. Eat pretty much what you want, just not too much of it. And drink water!! Water is so good for your body and skin. If you drink soda for the caffeine, I understand. Go slow and try to cut back little by little. Maybe limit yourself to one soda a day. Then go every other day. Before you know it, soda won’t even taste good to you. If soda isn’t something you’re willing to cut out, thats okay too! Try cutting out anything fried. There are so many options to start a healthy diet. But the most important thing is not stuffing yourself every meal. I don’t eat the standard 3 meals a day. I eat like a bird each setting, but I might eat 5 or 6 times a day. It’s more fun that way. If your family always cooks a big dinner, try to eat a small lunch. Everyone’s lifestyle is different. You have to find a healthy lifestyle that works for you. Nobody can tell you how your body works.

The most important thing about your health is you. Well duh, but sometimes people don’t think about that. Being healthy needs to be for yourself. Look good in that bikini because you want to look and feel good. Don’t do it for anyone else. Be active in a way that is fun to you. Use your competitive side to exercise every day. Play games, go outside, sweat a little. Sweating is so good for your health. It cleanses your body. Don’t look at someone who is more in shape than you and start to compare yourself to them. You are you!! Do it for yourself. Being healthy has so many other benefits–great skin, great attitude, and great happiness. I would love to hear from anybody about this topic. If you need advice or have advice to give, please comment!

Be happy and smile!! Love your life and love who you are.

Categories: 2016, confidence, Fitness, happy, Health, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Reflective, Secure, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | Leave a comment



Hello to all my bloggers,

The topic of today stems from a conversation between my mom and I while sitting in our adirondack chairs. We were sitting, side by side, and a post was in front of us. A pig shaped watering can was sitting just beyond the post. My mom asked me, “On what side of the post does the pig sit?” I very confidently answered “left”. It was a fact that the pig was on the left side of the post from where I was sitting. My mom argued back that the pig was most definitely on the right side of the post. We both took pictures from where we were sitting and I put them side by side in a photo collage (which is the photo you see above).

How can two people sitting so close together argue about which side of the post the pig sits? And how can those people argue with 100% certainty their own claim? It’s simple. From my position, the pig was on the left. But from her position, it was on the right. The word that allows this to make sense is “perspective”. In this situation, I feel as though most people understand the concept. However, putting this same idea on a larger scale causes riots and hatefulness.

Although I was hinting at politics, this goes for really all of the conflicts and disagreements in the world. When someone is arguing about something, it’s because they genuinely think it’s true. From their perspective, they will argue with 100% certainty.

Everyone sees the world through their own eyes. Nobody else can see things from your eyes. You might try to explain your perspective to them and they might seem to agree, or two people may try to describe their perspectives and think they are similar, but the truth of the matter is that what goes on in your head is only yours. And it differs slightly from anyone else. So how can one person bellow out their opinion in front of a crowd and declare it the truth? They do so by convincing people that their own opinions don’t matter and that somehow, they should believe that there is only one ultimate authority on the subject. The people who fall into the trap become known as “followers”.

The hatefulness and disgust comes from two groups of people with different perspectives who argue with each other and try to convince each other that one group is “right” and the other is “wrong”. As all of you know, the big rivalry comes between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. We take two people and use them as the face of two parties. People sit and riot because they think the political views of one or the other is absolutely outrageous. I know who is not getting my vote, because I think one of them is more psychotic than the other. And I agree with more of the views of one candidate. Does that mean I think everything they say is 100% true? No. Do I think they are super rude and unnecessarily jerkish? Yes. But the fact is, there are going to be two candidates on that ballot. One Republican and one Democrat. As a voter, I must pick which one I think would do a better job. And so I will go cast my vote in November as a part of my civic duty. It’s an honor to be able to vote. It’s my first time voting in November and I take pride in that. And for those of you who want to talk about politics with me, let’s do it. But why in the world would anyone go out and shove their opinions down another’s throat? It simply doesn’t make sense. It’s all about perspective.

One may proclaim that the pig is on the left side and the other may proclaim that the pig is on the right side. Before we cast judgement on others, let us sit in their adirondack chair for a moment and try to understand their perspective. And only after we do so can we begin to judge someone or critique someone for their views and opinions. So think about that next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone. Open your eyes, hold back your sharp tongue, and most importantly, allow your heart to empathize with whomever you encounter.

Categories: 2016, Life, Mind, People, Perspective, Politics, Reflective, Success, Thinking, understand, World, Writing | Leave a comment

The Mysteries in Hiding


The following poem is a mixture of so many feelings. Some of those feelings can’t be put into words, so they turn out to be a mix of words that in no way express the feeling. Point of story—you don’t always have to make sense. Your story is in you. So know that you are amazing. And you will be successful. Let the world inspire you not to make sense. But write about it anyway, because one day, you will look back and remember those feelings through your words that made no sense.

What feelings I have to express
To put me in a world so deep
As to manipulate what I know is right
To sit here and weep

And what we all want is the same
But the approach reaches all ends of the spectrum
For the yearning to make a difference is so powerful
But to find the way is too tough

So we carry on with our sticks
We keep throwing our stones
Knowing the result could be prosperous
But the journey exhausting

I make promises to myself
Some go unthought about
But most linger
Making me furious

If I cannot achieve
How do I say
That I can change the world
It’s one step away

But the beautiful photos
The miraculous places
Only seem that way to those without experience
The problem is the experience

We are in the todays
In the truth
The light that’s always shining
The darkness always waiting

Take your time in the light
As much as you need
But know that the memories
Are always there for the fun

Change the world for yourself
By yourself
And in no regard to the mysteries
Keep the mysteries in hiding

Categories: 2016, confidence, Inspirational, Life, Love, Mind, Passion, People, Poetry, Reflective, Success, Thinking, understand, words, World, Writing | Leave a comment

The Same Stairway To Different Lives


A question that has always made me wonder…

If myself and one other person are looking at the same situation, do we see it the same way?

I have dreams that show a location in my house and I see the location in a different way. For 17, almost 18 years of my life, I’ve felt the same way about the landing on my stairs. When I see it, stand on it, think about it, I feel this certain way about it. But in a reoccurring dream, I see the landing on my stairs differently. I don’t only have this dream about my stairs, but every location in my house. I find it very strange. My kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, and hallway are in the same place in both feelings, but I view them so differently that it feels like two different houses.

It has been several years since I’ve had this dream, but it sticks with me. I remember it vividly. In fact, today I was reminded of it while walking through the hallway at school. It made me start thinking about how every student of my high school views their typical school day. It’s obvious that each student has different classes and different problems and different lives outside of school. But the fact is, we all walk through the same hallways and park in the same parking lots and hear the same morning announcements. So my question is, can two students view the same place in totally different ways? And as I was thinking about this walking down the hallway, it occurred to me that this happens all the time.

I realize that every human being has been through different experiences—some tragic, some pleasant, some depressing, some exciting. We have all been walking down different paths that lead us to this present moment. But I believe it’s our views about these moments that make up our lives. It makes me cringe when someone says, “Yeah Jimmy had a really terrible childhood, it’s no wonder he has discipline problems in school.” I don’t think that statement is entirely accurate. Although I feel sorry that Jimmy had a terrible childhood, Jimmy might just be the most intelligent, courageous, thoughtful person ever. He might make a difference in the lives of others. He might be hiding behind the shield that allows him to misbehave instead of being held accountable for his actions. Jimmy’s life could be “good” or it could be “bad” all based on the way he views his life. Does he want to be successful? Does he want to break out of the bad childhood to become a strong independent man who can conquer his dreams? Jimmy’s life, consisting of the same events, can be either wonderful or terrible depending on his view of his life, just like in my dream.

Categories: 2016, Life, Mind, People, Reflective, Success, understand, World, Writing | Leave a comment

Happy New Year


Happy New Year fellow bloggers! May your 2016 be filled with great achievements, kind words, and beautiful places.

For those of you who make New Year’s resolutions, how long do they last? Speaking for myself, I’d be lucky to make it the month of January. That being said, I don’t make resolutions necessarily. Rather, I improve my way of life throughout the whole year, or try at least.

I push myself to become a better person. I push myself to become “good” at something that interests me. I push myself to be kind and do things for the greater good of everyone, not just myself.

Steps to do these things can be minor. For example, I have a fascination in pictures. I enjoy taking pictures, being in pictures, organizing pictures, and editing pictures. My instinct every time after a picture is taken is the see how I look in the picture. If I don’t look decent, the picture becomes “not good” in my mind. It doesn’t matter how anyone else looks because I didn’t even look at them.

As a part of my progress of becoming a better person, I have told myself to look at the picture as a whole before I look at anything else. Is the lighting acceptable? How about the location? Does everyone have their eyes open? At the moment, I can successfully do those things and then I look at myself. Maybe one day, I can do those things and then look at everyone else before myself.

It’s a minor goal, I realize. But I feel as though little things such as this go further in shaping my life. Yes, I could make an elaborate New Year’s resolution and try to convince myself that I can achieve it. However, goals are meant to push yourself just enough, but they must allow you to see success.

I wish I was able to put my head to one thing and stick with it. Some of you can and you achieve amazing things because of it. That is one quality I wish I had and hope to have in the future. I believe there’s a trick to it. The trick is probably different for everyone. My trick is using small things to practice such as changing the way you look at pictures. Then when you get proficient at small activities, challenge yourself a little more.

My hope for all of you is achievement this year. Big or small, accomplishment is encouraging.

I’ll be rooting for you! Please root for me as well.

I have a great feeling about 2016. It’s my high school graduation year! I’ve been waiting for this year for a long time. I get the opportunity to go to college and learn to be on my own. Not to mention, I get to pursue my dream career of being a nurse. I can’t wait for all the opportunities and although the shift to adulthood will be tough, BRING IT ON!

Happy New Year! Life is good…

Categories: 2016, confidence, Inspirational, Life, Mind, New Year, Passion, People, Reflective, Success, Thankful, World, Writing | Leave a comment

How does an average girl thrive?

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How does an average girl thrive?

I’m just an average girl still deciding where to part my hair…

I’m just an average girl who’s makeup looks different everyday…

I’m just an average girl trying to conquer my own style…

I’m just an average girl with average problems and an average judgment on life

My message to the world is this: there are more average people in the world than not. So how do average people thrive among others? The answer is they don’t. They do not thrive among others. To others, they are not special. Be special to yourself.

I do thrive. I thrive in my world. I think I am a cool person. I admire my extreme bedhead and I am in awe of how my hair can get in such an awesome position. I enjoy writing because I inspire myself. I like playing tennis because it is a fun sport, not because I’m that great at it. I think going to school is fine because I usually daydream and am content in my own mind. Sometimes I don’t do my makeup very well (mostly because I’m not good at it) just so I can look in the mirror and laugh at myself. When I get haircuts, I get it cut to that awkward length between long and short to remind myself that I am neither one. I am in the middle. I am the middle class that doesn’t stand out. My fingers are long and crooked. Sometimes I paint my nails in hopes that I become a hand model. But I don’t. Because my fingers are still crooked even with painted nails. I am claustrophobic. I can play such a mind game that I can make myself claustrophobic in an open room. Sometimes I write with my opposite hand and claim I am ambidextrous. But I am not. Even though the words look okay when I’m finished, it takes me a while to write it because my hand is shaky. I don’t have one store where I buy my jeans. It’s usually where I can find an extra long, because I’m tall. I don’t buy expensive prom dresses, and I certainly don’t get my hair and makeup done. I do it myself and see if I look just as decent as everyone else. My handwriting isn’t big and plump, nor small and neat. In fact, on two different days, my writing looks like it came from two different people. My legs are never shaved at the right times if at all. I never know the latest fashion, but I try to catch up just as it’s slipping away. I might be a little late to the trend, but I make my own trend since it’s so long after everyone else. I don’t have a favorite artist or band. I’m not into acting or music. I can sit in complete silence and think of something funny and laugh like a hyena. Sometimes I laugh at the wrong times or pick up on the punch line a little late. People will say things to me and I’ll smile and nod because I have no idea what they’re talking about. I have a lot of issues that stem from three things sticking up in a row. That probably doesn’t make sense but it’s like staring at a train wreck. You want to look away because it disgusts you, but you just can’t look away. I get chills from hearing a metal spoon touch the bottom of a metal pan. I’m not good at decorating things. I’m an extreme control freak. I think I can do anything. I trust myself more than anyone else. Sometimes I tell myself to remember a certain moment just to see if I can remember it months later. Sometimes I can, but most of the time I don’t. I really like looking at clocks and making patterns. I don’t like odd, prime numbers. They irk me. I’m superstitious and make my own superstitions. I like talking to myself in a mirror. I question mirrors a lot, and I try to convince myself that maybe I don’t look like what I see in the mirror just like I don’t think I sound like what I do on recordings. I don’t like movies, really. Action movies are okay. I like sitcoms and TV shows in which I can relate. I don’t like eating the standard three meals a day. I prefer to eat when I’m hungry and the amount I eat depends on how hungry I am. I love to people watch and hate when I’m staring at someone and they keep catching me staring. I wish they would just go along with their business and let me watch them. I never have the right things to say, and later I laugh at myself for being so socially awkward. I’m a different person to everyone I encounter. I’m not sure why or how, it just happens. I can keep a secret like no one’s business. I try not to lie, and when I do, it’s because I convince myself it’s the truth. I like taking pictures of strange things to look at later. I like taking pictures when people are laughing because it’s so natural. I get super anxious in situations with lots of people around. My favorite animal is a pig. I’m not sure why. I like stuffed animal pigs and paintings of pigs but not so much real life sows. They aren’t as cute. I hate when people yell at me or even raise their voice. In fact, I hate when other people are getting yelled at; it makes me feel awkward and embarrassed for them. I’m super scatterbrained and have to really push myself to focus in one area. I give everyone an equal chance of leaving their imprint on me. I’m like sand, footprints come and go, but I hold onto the ones worth holding onto. The footprint doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be interesting to me. Many things are interesting to me. And the footprints I like most are the ones without painted toenails. Don’t try to fool me, I can tell if the toenails are painted. I can also tell if the toenails are painted but don’t look quite right. I try to tell these footprints how much alike we are.

These things I like to call quirks about me. Everyone has them. Some of them are insecurities, some are just little tidbits about the way I operate and how I think. The crazy thing about insecurities is how simple they are and how abundant. The trick to dealing with your insecurities is to claim them. Shout it out loud that you’re secure about yourself. I am my own best friend. I like having friends but my power comes from thriving when I am alone. If you love who you are, everyone else will too. My style may not be in the clothes I wear but in the quirks I have and the way I embrace them. Everything in this world is a beautiful thing. Everything you encounter is there to help you become who you are. Challenges? That’s life. Confidence? That’s success…

Categories: confidence, Inspirational, Life, Mind, Passion, People, Quirks, Reflective, Secure, Thankful, Things about me, Thinking, World, Writing | Leave a comment

1, 2, 3, 4, …….5

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You go through stages in life. For a long while, you’re obsessed with yourself. Everything revolves around what you want and what best accommodates you. This stage goes from birth to a variety of different ages, depending on the person. The next stage is the transition from being obsessed with yourself. You wouldn’t think a transition would have it’s own stage, but it very well does. It’s a crucial stage because this is when you give up a little selfishness. You try to decide if it’s what you really want, because everyone holds on to a little self-obsession. The third stage is the bliss. It’s the utterly beautiful time in your life. It’s when nothing seems to go wrong. You are happy all the time and sometimes laugh midst pure silence, because you are just that happy. This stage may take one year, it may take five. Regardless, you don’t know how long it is because you are so happy. Stage three goes by so quickly and before you realize it, it is gone. Perhaps at the end of this stage, you say something like, “Time needs to slow down; I can’t believe it’s already ____”. When you make this wish, you don’t think it will really happen. You expect time to pass just as quickly. However, time granted your wish and it does slow down. Welcome to stage four. This stage kills the buzz of stage three, slightly. You brush your teeth and stare in the mirror more often in stage four. You have a little more time for the simple things. You might even start flossing in this stage. You may doodle or read or get a facial. Maybe a massage here or there, even though you are still young. You try to catch your breath in stage four; you try to rest. That’s not to say you don’t go out bowling on a Friday night or ski in a calm bay at the lake. You might roll your coins and cash them in at the bank or paint your toenails a soft shade of pink. You may look at someone’s faded swimming trucks and smile, because you were the one with them through the fading. Stage four is a smooth stage. This time is special because you feed your self obsession with entertainment from the world. And I suppose stage five is next. I have not lived to see stage five yet. I’m looking forward to it.

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Enjoy your meal


It’s 8am and my alarm clock is going off. If it were anything else, I would hit the snooze. I have to work at 9am and I have to take a shower and try to eat some breakfast before going to the very place that serves breakfast. It’s only about 15 minutes away from my house so around 8:35, I start to put on my work attire. I wear a white collared shirt and black pants and a green stained apron that spells “Bob Evans” across the front. I put on my black shoes I bought from Walmart. I wear black socks too, because my pants are too short and you can see my ankles when I’m standing a certain way. Then I make sure I have my nametag on and my waitress writing pad in my apron pocket. By this time, it’s 8:47 so I rush off to my car to head to work. When I get there, I get out of my car and go in the front door. It’s a Sunday morning and the place is hopping. There are about ten servers going this way and that. Most of them take the time to tell me good morning. Some don’t talk to me for the entirety of their shift. I look at my section on the floor chart and notice that all of my tables are being occupied. My section was in the old section of a server named Faye. She is very sweet and is always courteous as to make sure her tables are cleaned as soon as her tables leave so that I can start getting tables and making money. I am her relief since she was the opener which means as soon as all of her tables leave, she can go home. In the mean time, I try to stand somewhere out of the way. There is no silverware to roll and really, nothing for me to do until I get a table. They start opening up and I get my first table of the morning at 9:32. It’s a man and a woman. They look to be in their middle 50’s. I grab two things of silverware and make my way to the table through the crowd.

Good morning, my name is Mesa and I’ll be your server this morning. Can I start you out with some hot coffee or tea?”

Black coffee and a water,” the man says.

Large white milk with my meal,” follows the woman.

They look down the entire time, both staring at their phone. I wonder why they didn’t get separate tables because they aren’t cherishing their morning together. I grab the coffee and water for the man and get nothing for the woman. She wanted her milk with her meal. I take it to the table and the woman decides she also wants coffee in the 2 minutes I’m away.

Yes ma’am, any cream for you?”

No, just extra milk. And you might also want to bring a pot of coffee to leave at our table. We drink a lot.”

We aren’t supposed to bring a pot on Sunday mornings because the dining room is so full and we don’t have that many pots.

I would if I could ma’am, but we can’t bring pots on Sunday mornings because we are so busy. I will make sure your cups are filled as well as I can! Plus, I’ll bring hot coffee each time,” I say with a smile, hoping they are okay with that.

Okay,” the woman says, still looking down.

Are you all ready to order, or do you still need more time to look through the menu? I can also answer any questions you have about our menu.”

We are ready I guess. I want the Farmer’s Choice Breakfast.”

I paused for a few seconds hoping he would continue to tell me what he wanted so I didn’t have to ask him about everything.

Hotcakes or french toast? Bacon or sausage? Hashbrowns or home fries? How would you like your eggs?”

He mumbles answers to all of my questions and the woman orders a sunshine skillet. I go to the computer and scan my card and punch in their order. Then I stand around waiting for something to do. I go to the fridge in the back and bring up more milk, butter, and salad base. One of the servers thanks me and says she had been meaning to do that. I smile back at her. There is now some silverware to roll so I stand in my corner and start rolling it. There are about 6 servers standing right in front of the grill line when the cook yells “ORDER OUT!” None of them bother to scan the ticket and take the food to the appropriate table. Apparently it wasn’t any of their orders. I scan the ticket and see the order belongs to a lade named Denise. She has worked there for probably more than 10 years and has gray hair. Scraggly grair hair. Not like the sweet old grandma gray hair. I look at the ticket and get the food all on a tray in order by seat number, like we are supposed to do. I look around for Denise and see her walking by. I tell her that her order is up and she quickly thanks me and takes the food out. I then see my order come up in the window. Everything is there except the sausage links that I see sitting on a plate near the grill. I take a second to double check if everything else is ready and then get the nerve to ask the cook if my links were done, because I see them sitting there. I realize that she hasn’t sold my ticket yet; however, I know she has a lot of tickets back there and perhaps she forgot to give me mine. I was not prepared for what happened next. She yells at me in a voice that could be heard through the whole dining room. She says that I had no reason to ask about my order because she hadn’t sold my ticket yet. I apologize as she throws my sausage links on the hot plate and hands me my ticket and screams “ORDER OUT!”. She knows I am standing right in front of her. She didn’t have to scream in my face. One of the sausage links falls off the plate because she slung it so far. There were supposed to be 3 links and now there are just 2. I don’t say anything. I just grab the milk for the woman and take my order out to my table as tears form in the back of my eyes. This always happens to me. I don’t want to seem like a cry baby because I rarely cry for reasons that you would think I would. And I don’t even cry now. I just have that feeling like I’m going to cry and it makes my head pound and my voice shaky. As I deliver my food to my table, I try to sound calm and collected when I ask, “Do you all need anything right now?”

No that’s all,” says the man.

Enjoy your breakfast!” I say.

I get seated again. It’s an old couple at a table by the window. I introduce myself and they order their drinks. I bring the drinks and then take their order. It’s a simple order and they say thank you after everything they say. They even tell me how sweet I am and how much they appreciate the good service. The old man tells me I look like their granddaughter. I smile and carry on conversation with them for a little bit. Then I go put in their food and check on my first table. They are doing okay and I bring them some more coffee. A little while passes and my first table leaves. They leave me $5 on the table. I put it in my pocket and clean the table. Then I take the food out to my second table. They say thank you as I knew they would and ask if they could bother me for some napkins. I grab the napkins and smile as I deliver them. Then I tell them to enjoy their meal. I get sat again. It’s nearing noon and the customers are starting to order lunch items. I grab two silverware and go to the table.

Hello, my name is–”

I want a water with no ice and a coffee with cream only if it’s fresh and a bowl of beef vegetable soup with lots of crackers and a cup of ranch and Linda over here wants banana nut bread and a water with lots of ice and two lemons. But who’s asking?”

I guess Mesa is asking sir.” Even though I didn’t really ask anything.

Mesa will you be back to our table with all of that stuff?”

Yes I will try to remember all of that.”

It’s not that hard Mesa, just remember….” as he goes on to repeat all of the stuff he just said.

I make my way back to the server line and start gathering the list of items he requested. I never heard what Linda’s voice sounded like. She just smiled and giggled at her jerk of a husband. I manage to make it back to the table with all the correct things for this round. Then round 2 begins.

Now I want a cheeseburger, just the cheeseburger. No fries or anything. And I want that with pickles and onion and tomato and lettuce and ketchup and mustard. Please don’t forget the mustard.”

Well that please sounded weird coming out of his mouth. Even if it was sarcastic.

Oh and don’t put that order in until I tell you. I want to finish my soup. And also, Linda wants a farmhouse garden salad with ranch dressing. But she wants her salad the same time I get my cheeseburger. So don’t make her salad until I say so either.”

I started out writing the order in my writing pad, but that ended very quickly as I started drawing arrows to what I did write and writing instead “jerk, jerk, jerk”.

Do you want me to look in your pad and make sure you got everything right?” he asks..

No, I got it.” I say in a very monotone voice.

As I start walking away I hear him call my name again.

Mesa, I usually don’t eat my whole cheeseburger. Are you hungry? You can have half.”

I wanted to throw up in my mouth. This wasn’t an offer that makes you smile and remember how everyone has some good in them like you might think. This was a degrading offer. An offer that made me want to spit in his cheeseburger when it came out.

I don’t like mustard. I’ll bring you a to-go box. Thanks though.”

The man ate all of his cheeseburger so the to-go box wasn’t necessary. He must have been unusually hungry today. It was time for my break so I ordered a kids cheeseburger. I get everything half off so the kids burger ended up being only $1.29. I got my cheeseburger and put mustard all over it and devoured it.

The rest of the day went on. I can’t remember much else about that day.

And all of this to say one thing. Everyone is human. Everyone likes hearing please and thank you. Whether you are a manager of a large corporation or a server at Bob Evans. It’s my job to serve food. And I would run around all day bringing things to that old couple who said I looked like their granddaughter and wouldn’t think twice about it. But Linda’s husband must have thought when he stepped foot in Bob Evans, he was the king. I know the rule is “customers first”. But I added an ending to that saying.

Customers first, jerks last.”

Sorry for the negativity. I really do enjoy working at Bob Evans. The people are very pleasant for the most part and I enjoy serving the majority of the people who walk in. I appreciate sweet tables and I certainly have had enough of those tables to write a whole other story. But I felt like this story should be shared. If nothing else, next time you’re at a restaurant, just smile. You might just turn your waitresses day around. 🙂

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